As you well know, one of the distinguishing features of Meta-Coaching is that it is systematic. It makes a difference. It means that you are not just hoping and guessing that your coaching makes a difference— you know it does! And you know how it does. You know this because of the systematic approach you have to coaching. And that means you are not coaching “by the seat of your pants,” “intuitively,” or “just believing that a caring approach and good intentions is enough.”
It is systematic because it operates from a precise understanding of what the “coaching” methodology is.
And it is systematic because we use and operate the seven models that governs and guides our thinking, feeling, speaking, and acting. When you know what Coaching is in contradiction to what Therapy is as well as Consulting, Training, and Hypnosis, then you know
the boundaries of your profession. Do you know the boundaries of your profession? How well? Do you know how to explain it to people?
Now one problem in the field of Coaching today, and it is a big problem, is that lots of coaches — maybe the majority of them are Grab Bag Coaches. They read a little of this, a little of that; they do a workshop on EQ, then some from Ken Wilber, then a bit of Meyers-Briggs, TA, and so on. Then depending on how they “feel,” they try to be “intuitive” coaches. What that approach mostly does is create a mess in both the coach’s mind and in the client’s life. It’s no way to be professional!
What you have in the Meta-Coach Training system is a fully systematic approach. This means many things. A
systematic approach means that you have a consistent theory and model of human beings— that you use one consistent psychology, Self-Actualization Psychology.
You don’t mix a bit of psychoanalysis with it, a bit of emotive therapy, or a bit of some superficial new age theory like “The Secret” about “intentionality.” It means
you understand the basic functioning of human beings in how they create their reality and how to model it.
This is where NLP and Neuro-Semantics— as powerful expressions of Cognitive-Behavioral Psychology— comes in. We operate from several premise that how we
coach, question, and interact. The key premises include the following:
Every experience has a structure. An experience may seem confusing and mystifying when first presented, but with persistence, you will discover how it is structured. It always makes sense. Maybe not from the outside, but always from the inside. That’s why we pace, pace, pace— to understand how it makes sense on the inside.
Every experience is structured in the mind-body system with “thoughts” and “feelings.” That’s why we pay close attention to words, images, sights, sounds, cinematic features of the person’s internal movies, and how the person uses semantic space with his or her body to express the experience.
That’s why we listen so intensely, intently, precisely and calibrate to the person’s state.
Every experience is a mind-body state. Every client is always in a state, so we coach from our state to their state. That’s why calibration is so important.
What state is my client in? Is it useful, effective, productive, ecological? That’s also why stateinduction is so important. What state does the person need to be in to get the most out of the coaching?
Each person is the creator of his or her experience and state. This puts the responsibility on the client and makes us, as the coach, the explorer with the client to find out, “How are you creating this experience? What are you seeing, hearing, saying, feeling, etc.?”
Every experience is a skill. No matter what the client does, it is a skill and there’s a structure to it. If the person never delegates and “can’t” delegate, there’s a structure to it. If the client can be obnoxious and over-controlling as a leader, there’s a structure to it.
If you, as the coach, have eyes to see structure and process, then everything is a skill. So you can explore and be curious.
The person is never the problem; the frame and framing is the problem. This is what makes your attitude as a coach so important. You can speak truth to the client and expose reality without making the client as a person wrong, just the behavior or the framing. And because the client is response-able, the client can assume responsibility for the frames.
The emotion of the experience is derivative. The client’s emotion is important, but not primarily important, only secondarily. At best it provides information, but not an order or command about what to do. Sometimes we will listen to the emotion, sometimes act on it, sometimes ignore it, sometimes act against it, sometimes put it on hold to get back to it later. Emotions give us our somatic registering of our meanings. Your meanings show up as your feelings. Emotions are the difference between your model of the world (your beliefs, meanings, decisions, understandings) and your experience of the world. How it goes— fulfilling your meanings or violating them creates your positive and negative emotions respectfully. So as a coach, you use emotions, induce states, but your goal is not to validate every emotion or get people to always “be true” to their emotions. Sometimes you will be challenging your clients to act against the emotions.
Inside experiences naturally are actualized to the outside. The mind- body system is designed to turn what’s in the mind into muscle memory and
neurological responses. So we coach first to the inner game so that clients can win at their outer games.
Behind every experience are layers of thoughts as frames. People don’t merely have a representational mind— they have a self- reflexive consciousness and so “in the back of the mind,” they all have more thoughts, more emotions, more memories, decisions, and the other 100 meta-levels. That’s why we use meta-questions to explore the matrix of these frames.
Experiences can be ecological or non-ecological.
Just because a client feels something or thinks something or remembers something and so on, does not mean it is useful or productive. It can be toxic! It can make them and others sick. So we coach by “quality controlling” the stuff of experience.
Experiences can and do change. Change is normal, natural, and healthy. We organically change when we learn and grow. Development to become more of what we can be is “change.” Change in itself is not hard or scary or painful. In spite of Anthony Grant’s book on Coaching and his first change, “Change is Painful.” That’s therapy thinking!
Experiential change can be facilitated in generative ways. That’s what coaching is all about. Identifying desired changes and facilitating those transformations.
Resources for new experiences can be unleashed and enabled. That’s what self- actualization is all about.
Progress of experiential change can be measured.
That’s what benchmarking is all about.
I could go on and on with this list of premises that guide and govern Meta- Coaching. The Neuro- Semantic approach is to use a fiercely focused conversation to get to the leverage points of change and transformation.
So, how systematic are you? How clear are you about “human functioning” in mind-body and how well informed and skillful are you in using the systematic approach?
Meta-Coaching Material used in our Trainings ISNS – International Society of Neuro-Semantics.